Confessions

Done with Jason. Done with Andy. Done with Chris. Now what? I think I need some new boys, so me and Alicia and Jon and Scott Spicer are going to a party tomorrow night in Newark. They're all gonna get drunk, and I'm gonna find a new way to kill time. Jason is not supposed to be anywhere around me, I've been promised.. This looks like it's gonna be a pretty good weekend.

Lyrics from Sucks To Be You:
"You used your last chance so I went and found romance..
Oh, you really just can't stand it.. can you?
You see the smile on my face, and it really drives you crazy..
Just to see how much better off I am without you. I'm happier now.
Ain't it funny how all it took was leaving you, to finally feel good again.
You say you're sorry now, that you've figured out..
Just what it was that you had to lose.. Well, it sucks to be you."

I went and saw Chris today, and no sparks at all.. but Jason came to see me last night at work, and it might as well been the 4th of July the way he was lighting up my life. It's not fair.. and of course Jason hasn't called/texted yet.. Boys love me, all boys but the one boy I could really love. If I ever meet Cupid, I'm beating the fuck out of him.

Lyrics from Love Story:
"I said: Romeo save me.. I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you, but you never come.
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think..
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring..
And said: Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you.. and that's all I really know..
I talked to your dad girl, go pick out a white dress..
It's a love story.. baby, just say yes."

Eww. I've had the flu. It's been the most painful weekend of my life, I couldn't even get out of bed. And even though I'm still not feeling so good, it's back to work tomorrow. Alicia is mad cause we didn't go to Newark, so she's not talking to me. Alyssa is mad that I didn't go to a football game with her Saturday. Everyone else pretty much thinks I'm faking it.. yeah, okay, whatever. Me and Chris are okay though, he isn't mad I didn't come see him, so this is what knowing a nice person is like.. haha.

Lyrics from Runaway:
"We can runaway and spend some time..
I'll always be the one right by your side.
Tell the whole world you belong to me,
You are my everything..."

Long day, and I have to go back to work in an hour then me and Alicia are working out after that. I'm exhausted. Plus Jon wants us to go see him tonight, after ditching us for his barbeque last weekend. Whatever. But Alicia is hella into Jon's friend Justin so I'm gonna get guilt-tripped in. But Newark is close to Milpitas, maybe I can go see Chris? Hmm.. No idea, but it's gonna be hard being in Newark and not thinking about Scott and/or Jason.. Lame.

Lyrics from Untouched:
"I feel so untouched, and I want you so much.
That I just can't resist you.. it's not enough to say that I miss you.
I feel so untouched right now, need you so much somehow..
I can't forget you, I've gone crazy from the moment I met you."

So Tuesday I realized I have a bunch of sucky guys in my life, and it's made me think how I only know a couple decent guys. So I added one of my ex boyfriend's on myspace. He was always amazingly nice to me, his name is Chris. But he was best friends with Andy.. and I kinda ditched Chris once I met Andy. But he totally forgave me, and now I've been talking to him again, and he has his own ringtone on my phone.. cause it makes me think about him, cause he sang it to me. He's pretty fucking special, but don't keep your fingers crossed.. I'm not one to settle down.

Lyrics from Whatever You Like:
"I want'cho body.. I need your body.
Long as you got me, you won't need nobody.
You want it, I got it.. go get it, I'll buy it.
Tell'um other broke niggas be quiet.
Stacks on deck, patrone on ice..
And we can pop bottles all night.
Baby, you can have whatever you like."

Scott,
I'm not a good person, am I? I've ignored 20 calls from Chris in the last hour and a half.. But he just wants to talk to me, like I just want to talk to you.. so I'm being a hypocrit.. But at least you're nicer than I am, I got to talk to you today for hella long.. Being random like always, but I know we're just friends. Trust me, I know. Brian and Jon have made it clear. So basically, am I your friend? Or am I your ex girlfriend? Which way do you talk about me? Oh yeah.. my friend Stacey... or dude, my ex girlfriend Stacey.. cause they're really different. I guess it doesn't matter, cause neither one of them make me your girlfriend. I love you, and I really am gonna love you forever.. so just give up already.. We're gonna be together again someday, there's nobody better for me than you.
"Tell me what you thought about when you were gone and so alone.. The worst is over, you can have the best of me.. We got older, but we're still young. We never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up. Here we lay again, on two seperate beds.. Riding phone lines, to meet a farmiliar voice.. And pictures drawn from memory, we reflect on miscommunication and misunderstandings.. And missing each other too, much to have had to let go. We turn our music down and we whisper, say what you're thinking right now.."